I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
