god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Less talking, more tequila
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
