I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
