you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I would fuck him just for his dog
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
