Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
