I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
