If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
