YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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