Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
