Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
