There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
