I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
