Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
