Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
