he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
