I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
