Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
