There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
