I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
well, you know. whores of a feather.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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