I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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