He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
