haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
