I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
