Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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