I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
