I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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