Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
