Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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