What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
