i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
