turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
