Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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