Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
