we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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