some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
