What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
