god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You dont lie about slip and slides
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
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