whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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