Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I would ride that face into the sunset
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
why does every cop we meet know your name?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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