Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
