Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I woke up under a house in Key West
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
