remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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