addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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