I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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