The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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