My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
