your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
