sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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