I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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