I didn't shave. On purpose
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The chlamydia really affected his face.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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