Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
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